I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
