I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just forgot I was standing up.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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