i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
