how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
