New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
