If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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