Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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