no, he came in my armpit
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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