I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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