I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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