some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
