i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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