Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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