there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
