he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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