Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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