In the future we'll all be gay
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
