You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
