Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Drunk is not a location!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
