I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
