Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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