I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
