Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
