i just had sex bonerless
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
