so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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