I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
