I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
