i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
