I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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