yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
