Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
