I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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