you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
