The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Boobs are out for the taking
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
