You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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