ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
