You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
