My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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