Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
