Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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