Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
