omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
