I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
