Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
