I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
