I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
