We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
