I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
