dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
