Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
