and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize