she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
