David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
