I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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