dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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