wake up i wanna do it froggy style
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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