I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
