I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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