just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
