matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
