he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
