My room smells like vodka and shame
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
