I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
