I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
