is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so that wasnt chicken after all
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
