i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
