I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize