rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
