I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
