My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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