Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
