We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
