If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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