; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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