"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
