i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
