I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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