why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
