I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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