TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
