She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Even my vagina gasped.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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