my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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