Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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