Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
